We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
