So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
