Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
