Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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