I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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