Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
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Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
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I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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