I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.