im six kinds of drunk right now
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus