Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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