if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
