new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
