Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
