I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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