The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
