It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
