Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
