You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
