she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
