Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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