We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
