I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
