He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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