I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
