mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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