Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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