new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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