My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
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How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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