Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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