I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
