you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i've created a new STD.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Come on in and take your pants off
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