awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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