if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
