I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
