LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
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Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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