That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
