Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Even my vagina gasped.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
