just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
