He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
