We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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