Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
