he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
