There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
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Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
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Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
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