no, he came in my armpit
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
