Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
we're making bets on your personal life
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
