trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I intend to get homeless drunk
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
