I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
