I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
