just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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