The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize