You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
