I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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