im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
