non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Send help, water and tortillas.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
