I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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