Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize