dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
