I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
