I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
