I hate all girls vehemently.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
