It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
