how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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