I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
