i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
