Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
