he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
